Perks: How God might bless Israel
1Here’s what’s going to happen if you get serious about obeying all the laws I’m telling you about today. If you carefully obey these rules—which come from the LORD your God—he’s going to make you into the number one nation in the world. 2Here’s what I’m talking about. These are the good things that are going to happen to you if you obey the LORD your God. [1]What a blessing
3Good things will happen to your city folks and country folks alike. 4Your families, fields, flocks, and herds will all start growing. It’ll be a remarkable blessing. 5You can count on baskets full of food. And you’ll have plenty of bread dough for your kneading bowl. 6You’ll come and go, but you’ll always take God’s blessing with you. 7You’ll have enemies who attack you. But the LORD will make sure they lose the fight. They’ll attack from one direction. But they’ll run for their lives in seven.8The LORD will fill you barns. Whatever you do and wherever you go in this land the LORD is giving you, life is going to go well for you. 9If you follow the law and do what the LORD your God says, he’s going to designate you as a sacred [2] nation of people devoted to him. 10Nations all over the world will treat you with respect and fear. They’ll do it because they’ll see you’re committed to the LORD your God. 11You’ll have more success than you know what to do with. In this land that the LORD your God is giving you, you’re going to grow your families, fields, flocks, and herds. 12The LORD will open the gate at heaven’s reservoir. You’re going to get wet. When the season is right and the ground is ready, he’ll send the rain. Whatever you do for a living, you’ll do well for yourself. Nations of the world will borrow money from you. But you won’t need to borrow a shekel from them. 13You’ll get to be the head of the donkey, not the tail. You’ll lead the way. Everyone else will have to play catchup. That’s if you follow the law and do whatever the LORD your God says. 14Do exactly as I’ve told you. Don’t test the boundary limits. And certainly, don’t go worshiping some other god.
Penalties: How God might punish Israel
15Now for the bad news, if you don’t follow the law and you refuse to do what the LORD your God says. Here are the consequences.What a bummer
16Bad times are coming to your city folks and country folks. 17Empty—that’s what your food baskets and kneading bowls are going to look like. 18You’re going to have some painful experiences in your families, fields, flocks, and herds. Making babies and growing crops aren’t going to go well. 19You’re doomed. You’ll come and go, but you’ll always take your doomed self with you. 20The LORD will send you into a tailspin—a spiral of confusion, frustration, and panic. Everything you touch will die. Eventually, your nation will die, too. It will be your fault for choosing evil over God.21The LORD will plague you with diseases that won’t quit. They’ll hang around until there’s nothing left to hang on to because you won’t be there in the land anymore. 22The LORD is going to lay some consequences on you: disease that makes you slowly waste away like a dying tree. You’ll suffer the pain of inflammation and fever. Drought and heat will scorch your land. Mildew and disease will kill your plants.
23The LORD will seal the sky with iron and cover the ground in bronze. [3] 24You’ll look to the sky for rain. You’ll get blowing dust and powder. That’s all you’ll get for the rest of your life. It will destroy you. 25Enemies will attack you and defeat you. The LORD will see to it. You’ll attack them in one direction, then you’ll run for your lives in seven. What happens to you will horrify nations around the world. 26Your corpses will become birdfeed. Scavengers high and low will recycle you. There will be no one left to shoo them away. 27The LORD will grow boils [4] and bumps on your bodies, as a little reminder of Egypt. You’ll have oozing rashes and itchy scabs that never quit. 28You’ll go out of your mind. Then you’ll go blind. The LORD will leave you stunned. 29Lost in life, you’ll grope around in broad daylight for something to hold on to, like a blind person in the dark. Everything you do will fail. Others will repeatedly exploit you and rob you. No one to save you.
Your life of bad consequences
30Here’s your life. You’ll get engaged to a woman that another man will rape. You’ll build a house that someone else will take from you before you get a chance to move in. You’ll plant a vineyard, but you’ll never taste a grape. 31Your cattle will get butchered, your donkey stolen, and your sheep given to someone you don’t like much. You’ll never eat the beef or recover your donkey and sheep. No one’s going to help you. 32Your kids will become slaves. All you can do is watch it happen and grieve for your loss. There’s nothing else you can do.Your unwelcome visitors
33You haven’t met these people yet, but they’re coming. And they’re going to eat everything of yours that’s edible. You’re in for nothing but abuse and plenty of it. 34When you see it happen, you’re going to lose it. You’ll go mad. 35Also, the LORD is coming at you with a bucket of boils. He’s going to throw them on your knees and thighs. Before he’s done with you, you’re going to wear boils from the soles of your feet to the crown of your head.God’s people evicted from Israel
36Here’s what the LORD will do to you and your king. He’s kicking you all out of here. [5] You’re all headed to a country you and your ancestors have never heard of. There, people you’ve never met will rule you. You’ll worship gods made from wood and stone. 37Wherever you go after the LORD kicks you out, you’ll become the punchline of a joke, the bad guy in a horror story, and the sour note of a mocking song.38You’ll plant a huge plug of ground with seed. But you won’t harvest much. Locusts get the rest. 39You’ll plant your vineyards and take good care of them. But you don’t get to drink the grape juice. Worms do. 40You’ll have mature olive trees all over the country. But you won’t get to moisten your skin with the oil. No one does. Olives will drop before they get a chance to ripen. 41You’ll have kids. But you don’t get to keep them. They’re headed to slavery. 42Bugs will move in on your plants and eat their fill. Trees, too. If it grows on the ground it goes in their mouths. 43Immigrants who move in among you will rise to positions of power. You’ll sink. 44Immigrants will lend you money. But you won’t have any to lend to them. They’re the head of the donkey now; you’re the tail.




